I asked him out! How to take charge of your dating life.

There is consistent chatter about which gender should make the first move. Recently on a popular Instagram page *Sleekjamaica*, the polarizing question was asked, I dare say the comment section was 'lit". It wasn't lost on me and several others, those of us who answered yes-we would ask a man on a date, were for the most part happily married with children. Majority of women said No-many were still single and awaiting prince charming. Men had no issues with women asking them out first either.

Damion my husband, moved to Dominica to lead the transition process for a new business acquired by the company he worked for. My friend/cousin worked with the organization. I would often park my car in the company's assigned parking when I came to town-There is hardly any parking in Roseau, Any other islands can relate? Anyway, I called her extension and he answered, hearing a strange voice I put on my best voice. It worked, he later asked her, who is that with such a pretty voice. A week later, while parking in the company's spot I peeped into the office to say hi to my cousin and she introduced me to Damion as I quote, "The girl with the lovely voice' we exchanged pleasantries but it wasn't lost on me how good looking he was!

Every time I parked outside, I would stop to say hi to my cousin, Damion and I would have a light casual conversation. I sensed there was a mutual admiration but he never asked for my number. True to form as a West Indian woman, I did my own research and found out he was single, childless and straight. TBH, I was in a short lived relationship which was coming to an end.

What stood out to me about Damion, was his calmness. He was peaceful, mellow, very well spoken and thoughtful. He had a quiet confidence, sure of himself but not cocky. There was an attraction-so I did what my Capricorn self would do, I said to my cousin, please give him my number, I want to take him out for drinks.

She called back in five minutes, 'Roxanne he said Hell Yes'. He messaged shortly after-we spoke everyday since.

We went for drinks turned into Lunch on a Sunday a week and a half later. I knew- while sitting with him at Castle Comfort Lodges on our first date, which would turn out to be the location of our wedding reception, I just knew! I had never known before about anyone I dated, but I just Knew-It was him. Our conversations were effortless. We valued similar things. We became best friends and lovers and nine months after on my first visit with him to Jamaica, he proposed 3 days after my birthday. We were married seven months later.

Here's four pointers if you plan on asking a man out:

1. Be specific about your intentions.

If you're interested in a casual date or a long term relationship be clear about your intentions. As women we tend to keep our intentions to ourselves. We expect our partners to read our mind re the things we truly want. cue popular West Indian saying*closed mouths don't get fed*. State exactly what your intentions are early on in the dating phase. Doing so can avoid unnecessary heartbreak later on.

2. Ask the hard questions.

It's easy to say "let's get to know each other" but how do we get to know each other. Spending alot of time together and talking. Ask hard questions- like what are two things you're working on right now to make you better? How are you healing from childhood traumas? What are some financial things you are most embarrassed about? Damion and I always joke about our early dating phase, he says I drilled him and made him think about his life in ways he hadn't done alot of before. He also points out, from the early on I allowed him to be vulnerable without judgement.

3. Keep an open mind.

Keep your list of qualities close to you, but keep an open mind. Humans are complex, that's what makes us beautiful. Have your non-negotiables, make them known. Be flexible on trivial material things. We all want a 6'2 muscular male partner, but this shouldn't make us cross a 5'7 guy from our list if he checks of all the non-negotiables.

4. Ask him out for drinks/coffee

We know what we want from a relationship better than anyone else, if you see someone who checks all your boxes, take the leap. Try asking him out for a drink or coffee, from my experience the a casual date makes it a tad bit easier to take the leap and ask him out!

xoxo