Duality-Two completely opposite things and feelings can be true simultaneously…
Updated: Nov 9, 2021
I know most of you have been readers of my blog over the last year. So you know, I have one daughter and I have been married for five years. During the pandemic, Dami and I finally decided to start trying to having a little bundle. I had absolutely no clue that it doesn’t always just happen (well I didn’t expect to have any challenges) and that is a reality for a lot of women, we just don’t talk about it. I started talking to friends who were also trying and some suggested doctors, ovulation sticks, losing weight, changing diets, etc. So, I got myself a box of ovulation sticks, made an appointment with my OBGYN, began working out and stopped using my Retin-A topical cream. Month after month I would be certain we nailed it and then aunt flow would come. The wave of disappointment that would come, I am convinced made my PMS symptoms worst.
I did not feel totally hopeless and was pretty sure it would happen soon, I had three friends who were in similar situations, and I came to the resolve conceiving after 30 is hard. So when, my closest friend told me she was expecting I was beyond overjoyed for her, however I felt a twang of disappointment for myself. Shake it off I told myself all in time. That twang of disappointment turned into a wave, when all three of my other friends who were actively trying, actually became pregnant and here I was with aunt flow visiting on time every time! I am by nature vibrant and happy. I believe profoundly in abundance. I buried any feelings of jealousy if I experienced it. But boy, I could not bury that wave. I too, wanted to be pregnant and it was happening for everyone else except me.
I had to sit with myself and these feelings, really cry about it and get into it. What I now know is true, that feelings are only that, feelings and its ok to experience and feel every single one. Anger, Jealously, Happiness, Joy. They are all here to tell us something to make the human experience true and valid.
The second absolute truth-Two completely opposite things can be true at the same time. I am overjoyed and genuinely happy for my friends, however I feel a sense of disappointment that it has not happened for me. These two things are true and neither takes away from the other validity and truth.
So many of our feelings exist in duality, we can be happy for others while still grieve things for ourselves and there is nothing wrong in appreciating and acknowledging this. I absolutely adore my family but I crave a lot of alone time and the list goes on.
What is dangerous, is the burial of these feelings and labelling one as good and one as bad. Emotions and feelings were created so we can enjoy the fullness of being..being human. The same way I dig deep to understand what brings me joy and what makes me happy, I sit with myself to understand what makes me jealous, what triggers anger and disappointment.
So you’re not alone, the next time you’re feeling overjoyed for a friend on an accomplishment and a little disappointed because it has not happened for you-it is OK. You’re human hunny, you’re simple being. Sit with the feeling and acknowledge it. What also works wonders for me is I wholly believe in abundance, and Everything is made beautiful in His time. Everything that is destined for me will come to me at the perfect time, the same is true for you. Nothing meant for you will pass you… and to paraphrase #Myleik Teele, if it passes you by, it was not for you! And trust me, no one wants something that was not specifically destined for them.